I screamed at my refrigerator to make me coffee: A guide to the HubSpot forums

[bradmin]

I can't get enough of eating and drinking. I do it every day. At my place, there's a tool in my kitchen which can assist me with that. And it talks. 

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"Hello, I am a refrigerator," said my refrigerator. This checked out.

"I'd like to make breakfast, and I want to start with coffee. Make me a cup," I replied.

"I can't do that," the refrigerator replied coolly. "That's not something I was designed for. I can keep food and beverages cool. The milk you'd like in your coffee is in here, and I'm working hard to keep that cool. I am a refrigerator."

This was unsettling. Sure, I understood the gist of what the fridge was getting at, but...why can't it do what I want? I had an idea of what I wanted it to do, and I tried another tack. "But other refrigerators can make coffee," I goaded. 

"That may be. That was never something I was designed to do. Your owner's manual details all the functionality I have, and how to use and maintain me."

"But why can't you just do what I want?" The refrigerator clearly wasn't understanding me.

The frosty refrain echoed out once more. "I am a refrigerator. I am designed to keep food and beverages cold. If you have feedback, that's something you should bring up with our teams."

"That's unacceptable!" I blurted. "I paid good money for you, and I saw other refrigerators doing something different! I can't believe you can't do this one simple thing!"

"I am unable to modify myself," the automaton remarked. "You should contact our staff, so they can evaluate your feedback."

I then realized nothing gets results quite like belligerence. "YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO WASTE MY BREATH FOR THAT. NOW MAKE ME SOME COFFEE, BECAUSE I'VE SEEEN FRIDGES DO THAT, SO YOU SHOULD DO THAT!"

After a beat, the refrigerator thoughtfully replied, "I am unable to do that. I am a refrigerator. 

"I have cold milk. I have a water dispenser. Those are elements for your coffee. Perhaps, with some other tools--"

"I DON'T WANT OTHER TOOLS, I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME A **bleep** CUP OF COFFEE," was my levelheaded response.

A minute passed. I glared, only the faint whirr of a motor interrupting the silence.

"I'm sorry. The things you're asking for are things I'm not capable of. I am a refrigerator." 

I stormed off, with no coffee, sharing my plight with anyone who would listen.
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The ideas forums are here.
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Here are the help docs. 

[MFrankJohnson]